And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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