hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
