I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
