just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
