she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
