is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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