she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
