I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
