I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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