That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
