Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
