I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
