I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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