Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
