i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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