i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
