just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
