my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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