you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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