Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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