He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
