She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
