This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
