Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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