im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
