I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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