the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
