I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
