Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
