Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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