the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
