ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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