Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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