and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
