she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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