My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
