okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
