Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
