I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
