Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
