I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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