did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
