is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
