My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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