I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
