We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The air was thick with penises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
