alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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