You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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