I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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