Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
