Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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