a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
