i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
