I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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