I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
