I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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