Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Panties = found
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
