ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
porn star boner night. come get it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
